


The Cost of Goodbye

by chiiibiiichan, tootsuro



Series: HQ Swift Week 2020 [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Apologies, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kuroo is hurt, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Tsukishima Kei, Regrets, Sad and Sweet, Song: Back to December (Taylor Swift), The Fluff Before The Angst, Trust Issues, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:01:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26456878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiiibiiichan/pseuds/chiiibiiichan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tootsuro/pseuds/tootsuro
Summary: "Freedom ain’t nothing but missing you."-Kei had already lost Kuroo when he realized he didn’t want to say goodbye.Collided and seperated, if you ask for a second chance will you be given one?-Written for Haikyuu x Taylor Swift Week 2020 Day 2 — Album: Speak Now; Song: Back To December
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou & Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Series: HQ Swift Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1905253
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	The Cost of Goodbye

The snow crunched under the sole of his boots and his breath turned to fogs as he made his way out his house. The scarf wrapped around his neck that kept him warm smelled of _[him](https://open.spotify.com/track/5l6GqSxplqnZbLg0LTPQeG?si=j6vEGe2NQoCGnHBe0K-lfQ). _

He lets out a sigh that turned to vapor right just as it went out his mouth. It had been a month and a half since he’s lost Kuroo, but he was surprised he had agreed to see him again. 

Tsukishima walked aimlessly as he rubbed his hands together. He passed by the local park and the image of grass and flowers instead of a snow-filled pathway flashed before him.

**_Summer, all the beautiful times_ **

The summer where their love had started. It was hot and irritating but the way Kuroo smiled at him made it seem more magical.

Even though he doesn’t want to admit that. 

He was dragged here by Kuroo. The sun was glaring at them hard, but the shade that the branches and leaves gave them provided them enough comfort. A refreshing breeze blew past them, combing through Kuroo's dark locks and Tsukki watched.

Kuroo hands him a bottle of water from a nearby vending machine. He hesitated, but the dryness of his throat and the sweat dripping down the sides of his face made him take it. 

Kuroo wouldn’t stop bothering him and was always by his side and he was starting to get annoyed, but he was slowly starting to warm up to him, his mind was starting to be filled with him.

Even if he doesn’t want to. 

“Besides volleyball and being annoying, what else do you like?” He asked, surprising even himself for actually starting the conversation. 

“You.”

Tsukishima stared at him with a dumbfounded look. 

“Don’t give me that look,” He said to him, laughing it off, “I mean I’m not lying. But okay, I like science.” He adds, Tsukishima nods. 

“Really?” He asked, Kuroo burst into laughter with the look he was given.

“I’m pretty smart too, you know.” He countered. 

“You don’t look like it,” He smirked, and then they exchanged laughter.

It was then that he had realized that he might let this man into his life. Kuroo had laid his head on Kei's lap and told him stories, they exchanged sarcastic remarks at times, but they had fun. Tsukishima unexpectedly likes Kuroo's company. 

The winter breeze brought Tsukishima back and he started walking, the memory bringing more pain to his chest. He fought the tears that were brimming in his eyelids. 

He dragged his feet out of that place and continued on his long way to see _him_. 

The snow was coming down hard. He stopped to rest, finding shelter under a gazebo. One that he remembered where they had kissed for the first time. The fall where he had finally realized he was feeling more than interest in Kuroo. 

It was raining, a a cold autumn shower that night after training where he was picked up by Kuroo. His sweater was a little drenched in rain, their breathing heavy from rushing over all the way from school.

"Why didn't you bring your own umbrella? You know it's going to rain." Tsukishima scolds him, making Kuroo break into a smile.

"Well, sharing it isn't so bad, right?" He asked, taking Tsukki's glasses off his face. 

"Hey!" 

"Chill out, it's wet," Kuroo says, cleaning the lenses gingerly with the inside of his sweater. Tsukki watched him with his heart in slow acceleration, how is he so clear when he could barely see? 

_**Realized I loved you in the fall.** _

Rough and slender fingers ghosted from his cheeks to the tips of his ear. Blinking through the blur, as his glasses settled on his nose, he notes how close Kuroo is. Amber eyes and dark, long lashes. Pointed nose and... red, red lips. 

He leaned in for a kiss. 

As soon as their lips touched, Tsukki jumps away, barely registering what he had done. Kuroo looked at him with wide eyes and parted lips.

"I—" Tsukki starts, hand over his mouth, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I'm s—" 

In turn, Kuroo pulled him close, removing the hand that covered his mouth and replacing it with his own. It was a hot rush of adrenaline, Tsukki closed his eyes as Kuroo slips his tongue between his lips. 

He tasted like honey and ginger, smelled like milk and spice. Every sense Tsukki has, became replaced with nothing but him. His touched burned him, a trail of red flames at every inch of skin Kuroo reached. 

Tsukki was in love with him, and he kissed with the fierce of soft bones and mellow flesh could muster. 

_I'm in love with you._

_I'm in love with you._

_I'm in love with you._

Tsukki blinks, cold fingers unconsciously touching his blue lips with a shaky breath. Why of all times is he remembering all this? 

Is it because he was going to see him again and it'll be the last time?

He has no time to stop over someplace he isn't needed, Tsukishima thought and so he stood up and went on his way, focused on not letting himself get sidetracked with memories he needs to forget. 

After all, he is the one who ended things with Kuroo. 

He finally stepped up at the cafe they had agreed to meet in. He stood by the entryway, his chest booming with anxiety and his mind going places. 

_**The cold came, the dark days.** _

Another memory plays. The one he didn't want to remember the most. 

The winter he knew he was in too deep with his feelings for Kuroo. They had spent Christmas together, they kissed and they laughed. But as the wind grew colder, so was Tsukishima to Kuroo. 

December was the time when Kei's doubt for Kuroo's love grew. He had been hurt before and the way Kuroo treated him made him worry about the damage he will etch on Tsukishima's heart when he leaves. 

_**When fear crept up to my mind.** _

He went ahead and left Kuroo before he left him. 

It was New Year's Eve, of course, Kuroo wanted to spend it together, he had something planned for them, an amazing night to end and start a new year together. Kuroo was about to ask him to be his. 

But as soon as he did, Kuroo blinks at him emptily. The answer he received wasn't what he was expecting. 

"No. I'm sorry," Tsukishima repeats, making it clear and real to Kuroo. His mouth hung open.

"I don't understand." Kuroo tells him, he just averted his eyes from Kuroo's confused and hurt golden eyes that still burned despite the cold, "We were doing so good. I don't—What did I do? Did I do something? Tell me." 

Tsukki bit the inside of his lip, _I'll take it back. I'll love you._

"I just don't want it, Kuroo," he says, "I told you before I don't, can't commit."

"Let me change your mind." 

Tsukki shooks his head, "Please don't." 

"You love me," Kuroo says, "I know it, you love me too." 

"Kuroo—" 

"I'll make you happy."

"Stop," Tsukki says, on the brink of tears and desperation. Fear shackled his feet together, oh how he longed to jump. Longed to be caught in Kuroo's arms. 

_He was waiting. Waiting all for me._

"I don't trust you."

The way Kuroo's face broke, the way those amber eyes darkened then shimmered. It was true how time stopped when something painful happens, the universe's consolation. A minute second to understand, to feel, to decide. 

**_You gave me all your love._ **

"I love you," Kuroo whispers, warm and welcoming in contrast of the new year's cold, "You can change your mind, right now. Tell me you want me right now." 

Kuroo felt like begging, tears so close from falling. 

"Tell me you want me and I'll never let you go." 

Words stacked on Tsukki's mouth. Every bit of his being sang Kuroo's name, his head tingled from dancing fingers and his toes ached with taps from bored shoes that waited for the train. The longing, the fear. 

He stayed silent. 

"I'll go," Kuroo says quietly, placing a chaste kiss on the corner of his lips before leaving. 

It was cold then, and it was cold now. 

Past the glass door, he could already make out Kuroo's figure sat on the corner table. Taking a deep breathe, he came in. 

Their talk was short. In all honesty, Tsukki could barely hear Kuroo's voice from the way his heart kept thundering in his chest. His eyes stayed level on his chin, barely having the courage to look up. 

Why was he here? Why did he call him? 

"Kuroo," Tsukki starts, voice weak, "Take me back." 

“I’m sorry.” The words he couldn’t say and didn’t want to say were all out now. 

It was a sharp jab in his chest, what were they even talking about before? How everyrhing was going? Everything had been going like shit ever since Kuroo left. 

_I regret. Come back._

_I love you. I'll love you now._

"I can't," Kuroo finally says, "I... can't." 

Tsukki expected it so badly, the corner of his lips just turned up in remorse. He nodded, he couldn't stay here any longer. It felt like he'd die. 

So he gathered all the things Kuroo wanted to give back, made an excuse to leave as soon as possible.

And for the last time as he stood, he stared at golden eyes burning with the heat of summer and autumn leaves. At red lips that reminded him of candied apples in festivals and tasted just as sweet. At dark locks that's as smooth as the most expensive velvet. At soft skin that turned pink under his touch.

For the last time, he said, "Goodbye." 

_I won't see you again._

_I'll love you by myself._

He turned around. 

_**All I gave you was goodbye.**_

_Just like the first time._

**Author's Note:**

> cried twice; i feel so sad for kuroo ))): if you want to read how Kuroo and Tsukki met, here's the link;
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/25918645
> 
> hoped you enjoy reading as much as we did writing! :D —chiiibiiichan
> 
> -
> 
> Well, I just realized how we’re unconsciously connecting our entries for HQ x TS Week from Kuroo Week and it’s bringing me tears, more than once. Hope you enjoyed the fics! -Tootsuro
> 
> ps - I’m sorry if I kept hurting Kuroo


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